Are you carrying burdens in mentoring that God never asked you to carry? Learn 4 things a mentor is not – and walk lighter, freer, and more biblically aligned in your role.
If you’ve ever sat in a group where discussion felt flat, shallow, or awkward, you’re not alone.
Most group leaders -whether brand new or seasoned- struggle with knowing how to guide conversations that feel meaningful, biblical, and connected to real life.
But here’s the good news: it’s not your job to carry the whole discussion. Nor do you need a charismatic personality or master-teacher skills.
However, it is your job to guide the conversation and to keep it going.
Here’s how you can do that:
You simply need to learn how to ask better questions.
Think of great questions like keys. They unlock hearts, open Scripture, prompt reflection, and make space for the Holy Spirit to move.
And as a leader, your questions shape the depth, direction, and spiritual fruit of your group’s conversation.
Today, I want to equip you with a simple framework and ready-to-use questions that you can bring to your very next gathering.
You may think your job as a leader is to “teach” women what the passage means. And while teaching is good and helpful, group discipleship thrives more on conversation than lectures.
Questions help your group:
Engage with Scripture personally
Process truth out loud
Connect biblical principles with everyday life
Learn from each other (not just from you)
Grow in confidence to share their faith
Discern the Holy Spirit’s voice
Questions move women from passive listeners to active participants.
Here is a simple, repeatable framework you can use with ANY passage, topic, or study:
Observation -> Reflection -> Application -> Transformation
This framework takes your women from noticing the text, to wrestling with it, to obeying it.
Let’s walk through each one.
Observation questions ask ‘What do I see?’
These questions help your group look at the text itself.
Examples:
“What stands out to you in this passage?”
“What keywords or phrases do you notice?”
“What is happening in the story?”
“What questions come to mind as you read this?”
These are safe, approachable questions that warm up the room.
Reflection questions ask “What does this mean?”
These help your group interpret truth and consider its message.
Examples:
“What do you think the author is trying to communicate?”
“What surprised you here?”
“Why do you think this matters to us today?”
Reflection moves the group deeper.
Application Questions ask “How does this apply to your life?”
This is where transformation begins. You’re now connecting Scripture to real situations women experience daily.
Examples:
“Where did this passage challenge you personally?”
“How have you seen this truth show up in your everyday life?”
“What makes this teaching difficult to live out right now?”
These questions shift the conversation from theory to practice.
Transformation questions ask “What is God asking you to do?”
These questions help women discern next steps with the Holy Spirit.
Examples:
“What do you sense the Lord inviting you to do with this?”
“How might obedience to this verse change your week?”
“What step of faith feels small but significant for you?”
This is where discipleship becomes real and active.
Here are four “always ready” questions you can keep in your back pocket:
“What stood out to you in this passage?”
“What challenged or encouraged you?”
“What’s one area where you want to grow because of this?”
“How can we pray for you as you live this out?”
You could use these every single week and never have a shallow discussion.
Let’s make this super practical.
1- Leave space for silence
Women need time to think. Don’t rush them. Don’t fill the silence. Give room for reflection.
2- Ask one question at a time
Avoid multi-part questions. Keep things simple.
3. Affirm every answer
A simple “thank you for sharing that” or “that’s a great insight” builds confidence and helps women share more often. However, avoid making them feel like you agree with them, if you don’t. Remember, we’re growing, not coddling.
4- Redirect with grace
If someone talks too long, gently guide the conversation back.
Try: “I love what you just shared. Let’s hear from someone else too.”
When you learn to ask thoughtful, Spirit-led questions, the entire atmosphere of your group changes.
Women begin to:
Engage more deeply
Share more openly
Grow more consistently
Hold each other accountable
Discern God’s voice more clearly
Apply Scripture more boldly
Questions are one of the most powerful tools of discipleship. Jesus Himself used questions constantly because He knew, they pull truth from the heart.
You don’t need to be the perfect leader.
You just need to be a leader who asks good questions.
And sister… you already have everything you need to start doing that today.
I help Christian women grow in their faith, intentionally live it out, and pass it on to others.
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